Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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