two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date