im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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