A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
