I think I won the penis lottery.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
