Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sext me about skeletons
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
