It's Friday. Sex?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
