It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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