I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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