I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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