Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
