There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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