if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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