We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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