if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
