Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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