"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So many bounce houses so little time
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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