I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
