Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
