sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
