Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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