I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
