you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
