Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
