One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
