he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
