I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
