honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
