and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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