So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
