it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
