I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
