don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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