I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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