I wanna bring you to show and tell
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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