I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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