remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
