I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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