pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
