My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
