What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
