Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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