I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
