Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
