my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
