she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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