It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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