Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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