those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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