I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
