I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
