Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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