i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
