if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
