I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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