I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
