yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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