Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
