My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
