You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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