imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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