I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize