Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
