Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
