i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
