12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
