I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
