last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
