ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
