yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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