i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
