I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
