Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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